Seeking Self-Mastery

I heard a saying that stuck in my head one day. A day that prompted a great deal of changes in my life’s journey. That saying is this:

“The first relationship we must Master is the one with oneself.”

Spirit’s Voice, 2003

We begin life as a seed pollinated by another. Our growth depends on the type of soil we have been planted into and what nourishment we did or did not receive.

The lack of nourishment can stunt the growth and development of the evolving organism, whether it is a plant, animal or human being.

Human children who have experienced a series of adverse childhood events arrests the development of the child’s personality and development in a variety of ways.

A child who feels unsafe in their home environment are constantly walking on the broken glass of their fragmented innocence that has violated their trust in their caretakers and in themselves and are in a constant state of stress. The ‘roots’ that give them a sense of stability have been deeply compromised.

As a result their physical bodies internal mechanisms evoke a neurological and chemical response feeling constantly threatened or imminent danger every day. Children who undergo this daily, over a long period of time, leads to the bodies inability to regulate itself.

Trauma is stored in both the body and the mind. The perpetual overload of stress released in the body virtually changes their developing brain – and establishes a foundation for dysfunctions in their body. This keeps them in a constant state of hypervigilance under stress and duress because the ‘threat’ to their well-being is still imminent.

The fight, flight, freeze response to stress has been deeply studied. These evoke various responses that become an internal coping mechanism on both the body and mind for all humans.

In a child who undergoes repetitive abuses it becomes hard-wired into the autonomic nervous system that keeps them trapped in a constant state of stress and builds an unwitting repetitive automatic response when triggered. When left untreated the hardwired autonomic responses continue as they grow and become adults.

Learning this has been an eye-opener. As I child I always asked the unanswerable question a child asks, “Why?” It set me on a life long journey to find the answers to that one simple question. In the process, I have seen and learned many things about myself.

The beauty is that my Spirit guides and my Soul’s internal navigation system has led me on a path of Self-Healing and toward Self-Mastery all these years. I realize now that my whole life journey has been designed to bring me a much deeper awareness of the Spirit-Mind-Body connections.

It has also shown me how abuse and the abuse of power has perpetuated itself in our world…and it needs to stop if we want Life as we know it to Survive.

The Dormant Seed

person holding a green plant
Photo by Akil Mazumder on Pexels.com

My mind has been wandering and wondering. I am looking back to what was and to what could be. My fingers are typing what my mind is thinking at this moment. Call it madness, call it melancholy, call it what you will.

There was an issue that came up while preparing for the middle portion of my memoir. I felt truly blessed when a writing colleague and friend was gracious enough to assist me with a little research.  The article that was found hit me like a baseball bat. The impact stunned me and I wasn’t prepared for the emotional tsunami that took the breath right out of me when I wasn’t looking.

I felt like I had been clotheslined by a five hundred pound linebacker that took me out of the game for a while.  I withdrew like a turtle and went on lockdown. I stopped writing. I avoided it like the plague. I needed time to unwind a forest of tangled vines in my mind.

Then it dawned on me that I never dealt with it – quite frankly it blew me away. When I looked back at how things unfolded after this drawn-out event was over I saw where I simply brushed it aside, stuffed it down, pushed past it and moved on to try and put my life back together with some semblance of order and purpose.

The mental, emotional and the physical repercussions from that series of events has come full circle. I have been dealing with some very old wounds. Wounds that I never truly looked at or ever dealt with.

The impact of that series of events affected the flow of my Life both inwardly and outwardly.  That unrequitable nightmare became embedded in my physical body,(As a massage therapist I know muscles hold memories)and was imprinted in the energy matrix or light of my soul.

The seeds sown during those 13 months had laid dormant inside me quietly taking root in the dark and have now come into season to be reviewed. Unresolved issues have a way of popping up when we least expect them to and when they unwittingly crop up it has a way of throwing us off course. My internal navigation system went haywire and I spiraled down into the depths of despair.

Negative thoughts can truly pollute the physical body on so many levels. When the issues associated with this long-term event rose up it exploded into my conscious and the ride thereafter turned me inside out unexpectedly. The emotions that were stuffed into the suitcase of dormancy were also retrieved from the lost and found area of the baggage claim department. It was extreme. My physical body reacted.

Recurring thought patterns came up for review. I had a choice to renew and refile the thought as it was, or review more it more deeply. When I dug deeper it was difficult to unmask hidden truths. Once ‘I got it’ then I had the option to refine, redefined and refile those thoughts in a totally different archive.

The difficulty I experience is when my conscious mind becomes flooded by the emotional tsunami that overwhelms whatever sense or sensibilities I have. My ability to reason begins to wane, and at times simply disappears. The term ‘brain fog’ doesn’t even come close to describe it.

My ability to think literally escapes me and unfortunately, a part of me goes with it! I walk around mindlessly as if a part of me has left to find answers and bring back some clarity. Its been a struggle to make sense of it all. The mental hula hoops I have to jump through becomes a regular 5-ring circus.

The emotional impact has been daunting – but fruitful. The physical repercussions will be coming to light in a couple of weeks. Listing the lessons learned and finding the words to portray the events is now the challenge.

Do not let unresolved issues continue to take you down that dark corridor. Pull them out, face them, learn from them and heal them in your mind. When you do that, you heal yourself.

May your day be blessed.

A Tree of Life

I am a Living Tree of Life planted in this Garden of Eden, and like a great many trees that used to be in this world, I have been splintered, cut down, marred, scarred and beaten to a pulp for the unwise choices some human beings illicit on others of my kind.

The rings on my tree are cracked with scars and yet I have survived to lay down a pattern of rings to mark my passage of time in this world. I have stood alone in my silence, witnessing the world around me. Contemplating the mindless reactive abuses that others illicit on the innocent.

In the beginning, my Life’s journey was built upon stony ground, yet I managed to grow, blossom and eventually flower by driving my roots deep, and building a resilience to the onslaught of wrath imposed upon me without reason. I wasn’t alone on most occasions, but I stood up with a sense of righteous indignation and held myself with a much deeper sense of dignity that came from an eternal well.

The rings on my tree are nearing the end of its life’s span, and like many trees we have a story to share. I believe it was Wayne Dyer who once said, “Don’t let your story die inside you before you leave this world.” His words seemed to be a provident statement of what I have known must be done for some time now; and to him I am eternally grateful to have heard the call come back around loud and clear.

In sharing my story, I hope that it will touch at least one soul; and in touching that one soul I can only pray that the seed planted in their heart will assist them to seek a higher calling on behalf of humanity. I have seen the effects of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and sexual abuse of my own life path; and like a single drop falling into a pond, the ripples it generated has also touched the neighboring shores and reverberated through the land and touched the shores of many other landscapes and oceans around the world.

In my 60 years of being a silent witness, I have watched the abuse of human beings expand from one individual to another and have seen its’ vine-like propagation slip into the offices and board rooms of businesses and corporations….and sadly, in recent years I have seen its insidious face peering through the eyes of many nations. Today, it seems to have grown toward a global genocide of all that is good and beautiful, destroying all living things in this heavenly Garden of Eden we call Life.

It has to stop.