Seeking Self-Mastery

I heard a saying that stuck in my head one day. A day that prompted a great deal of changes in my life’s journey. That saying is this:

“The first relationship we must Master is the one with oneself.”

Spirit’s Voice, 2003

We begin life as a seed pollinated by another. Our growth depends on the type of soil we have been planted into and what nourishment we did or did not receive.

The lack of nourishment can stunt the growth and development of the evolving organism, whether it is a plant, animal or human being.

Human children who have experienced a series of adverse childhood events arrests the development of the child’s personality and development in a variety of ways.

A child who feels unsafe in their home environment are constantly walking on the broken glass of their fragmented innocence that has violated their trust in their caretakers and in themselves and are in a constant state of stress. The ‘roots’ that give them a sense of stability have been deeply compromised.

As a result their physical bodies internal mechanisms evoke a neurological and chemical response feeling constantly threatened or imminent danger every day. Children who undergo this daily, over a long period of time, leads to the bodies inability to regulate itself.

Trauma is stored in both the body and the mind. The perpetual overload of stress released in the body virtually changes their developing brain – and establishes a foundation for dysfunctions in their body. This keeps them in a constant state of hypervigilance under stress and duress because the ‘threat’ to their well-being is still imminent.

The fight, flight, freeze response to stress has been deeply studied. These evoke various responses that become an internal coping mechanism on both the body and mind for all humans.

In a child who undergoes repetitive abuses it becomes hard-wired into the autonomic nervous system that keeps them trapped in a constant state of stress and builds an unwitting repetitive automatic response when triggered. When left untreated the hardwired autonomic responses continue as they grow and become adults.

Learning this has been an eye-opener. As I child I always asked the unanswerable question a child asks, “Why?” It set me on a life long journey to find the answers to that one simple question. In the process, I have seen and learned many things about myself.

The beauty is that my Spirit guides and my Soul’s internal navigation system has led me on a path of Self-Healing and toward Self-Mastery all these years. I realize now that my whole life journey has been designed to bring me a much deeper awareness of the Spirit-Mind-Body connections.

It has also shown me how abuse and the abuse of power has perpetuated itself in our world…and it needs to stop if we want Life as we know it to Survive.

In memory of My Sister

My Sister
A Warrior Soul

My sister was a beautiful soul.

My baby sister had the heart of an Amazon warrior woman who was more than willing to engage her rage to set someone straight. You could knock her down but you couldn’t keep her down. She would rise like a Fury in fairy tales and could hold her own against any man.

From what I have seen and heard, Rhonda Rousey had nothing on her and would have probably had a hard time taking my sister down. Over the years it appeared that the everlasting effects of abuse had generated an unquenchable raging fire inside of her. A fire that compelled her to stand up, speak out or pull you across the kitchen table and beat the living pulp out of you with a fervor unmatched by many.

My sister wasn’t rich by worldly standards, yet her abundance held more value than what the world banks could ever hold. My sister was ‘enriched’ beyond measure with a more lasting treasure that included all of the things that money can NEVER buy.

My sister was a woman who would give you the shirt off her back and her very last dime. Her door was open to those in need. She was a woman who had no need or use for greed. She was a woman who held a deep abiding faith, even during the toughest of times. She would tell me that there was always that inner whisper of knowing, that no matter what, everything would be fine.

My sister was a compassionate soul that was mirrored by her being a caretaker of many who was not her own. “I keep taking in strays!” she would say, “I can’t help it.” Young ones who had nothing or nowhere to go tugged at her heartstrings. There were even some who were visiting and instead found themselves a place in her heart and her home.

My sister loved her children and her grandchildren to the very depths of her soul. She gave each of them what she could with what she had. Her words were not always well-chosen, nor her actions always a choice made consciously, but she ALWAYS did the best she could at any given moment in time.

Her children and grandchildren were the true points of light in her life. Each one of them will carry some of her traits, characteristics, talents, gifts and many memories that will sustain them as they move forward forging a path of their own.

The hardships they all endured will give them a depth of strength to overcome any adversity they may have to face in the years to come. They have been nourished with a special cup of wisdom that supersedes the wisdom of this world. They will have to fend for themselves now, but they have all the tools and knowledge they need to make their own way in this world and to make the world a much better place to be in.

I know my sister will still be there when they need her the most. She will continue to fight for them on the other side. They too have the backbone, the willpower, and that fighting spirit inside of them.

I wasn’t able to spend much time with my sister through the years, but I came to know and understand her more deeply than others really knew. All my brothers and sisters were affected by the abuse we all received and my baby sister carried additional battle scars of her own. The unresolved, deep-seated wounds that remained unhealed in her heart and mind turned cancerous over time.

My sister passed away from brain cancer on May 30th, 2019. Her body was riddled with cancer after her second brain surgery. After this last surgery, we were informed that her cancer had spread to her lungs, chest and was deeply embedded in her left hip joint.

My family was told that recent tests revealed that the cancer in her hip socket had turned to gangrene, and that the doctors wanted to take her leg, shortly after the brain surgery was done. My sister refused. She was tired, she had had enough and was ready to go home.

My sister’s celebration of life services was held on her birthday June 5th and she was laid to rest the next day. She is home now with her daughter Jennifer, our mother, and my oldest brother. She is no longer suffering and in pain…and for that I am grateful. She will always hold a very special place in my heart, my mind and my soul. I will miss her presence. Her death touched me deeply. Perhaps I will share that in my book.

Through all of this I have seen and learned that the pattern of abuse is handed down from one generation to the next. My family alone has given birth to what is now the 3rd generation of children that may still be affected by the abuse their parents recieved in their childhood because their parents have yet to heal their own wounds. I have even seen snippets of it in my own children as they begin to raise their own. I see much more in some of my nieces, nephews and their own children.

I have learned that the effects of abuse are not only far-reaching, but I have also seen how it destroys lives and how it is now destroying the Gift of Life itself. I can also see how it has easily expanded to become a global entity in our world.

When I look outward and reflect on what I have learned, I realize that there is not a soul on this planet that has not experienced abuse in some form. It weighs on my heart to see such beauty scarred in this Garden of Eden. We never truly left it you know. Earth is our heavenly home and even she has not been left unscathed by the abuses wrought upon our environment from human thinking, human greed and dismissive human deeds.

Those of us who have survived the trauma of abuse have unwittingly perpetuated some of the unhealed patterns of abuse in our children – and it needs to stop.

Stopping abuse begins inside each individual. It begins with me and you. Our words and our actions can harm or they can heal. I am much more mindful of what I think, how I think and why I think and feel the way I do.

I hope you will take time to think before you speak or react in anger, frustration or rage to those you encounter every day.

Be the change by becoming the game-changer for our world.  Blessed Be.

 

 

 

Hold the Light & Imagine

Remember the Present

Photo courtesy of Pexels.com

We are human beings, both you and me – and yet we are so much more than we appear to be. We are composed of millions of particles of Light inside of us at the very core of our being.  We are co-creators with the Divine unseen forces, both within us and within the fabric of this Garden of Life. Our existence…matters.

When we hold the Light of our heart – every moment we breathe holds the potential of what yet can be, but when the light is subdued by the shadows of our wounds we find ourselves bathed in fear or awash in grief. We tend to forget what we can achieve and become blind to what others may need. When we hide the Light inside us, our world seems to suffer an immeasurable number of things.

It’s a simple fact that humans are destroying our world. We have turned a blind eye and ignored the plethora of evidence all around us.  There are thousands of other living beings and lifeforms that have been annihilated and more still suffering from the human storm. Old paradigms we were taught to believe has brought us to this present moment in time.

When I look back at the years of my Life and I see beyond the mundane news and take in the overall effect of humans on this planet. My heart hurts. I see patterns that have shaped the current conditions in our country and around the world. I see the shadow of abuses from the past, how it has grown into a global entity in the abuse of power and the rise of what the King James version of the Bible calls – the god of Mammon or money

When we hold the Light of our soul – we Inspire others. When we hold the Light of our heart forward to see – it dispels the darkness so others can see that the Light inside of them is also needed. When we share the Light – we Help Life heal.

Imagine the land, water, and air would be pristine because no one is raping or pillaging the resources of our planet for profit. Educating children to become the new stewards of Life and caretakers of our heavenly home.

Imagine the blessings and bounty of the Mother Earth recovered from the centuries of abuse from the greed of mankind. Imagine our ability to recapture Her full bounty, Her grace and Her blessings for all.

Imagine future stewards of faith and vision working together with each other to feed ourselves and one another, to cultivate, harvest and prepare the free natural God given medicines, health, and care for ourselves, our families and each other instead of the need for greed.

Imagine that. No one would go hungry, no one would have to worry about medical bills, or paying for education. No one would need to be concerned about a corporate toxic waste dump in their backyard or poisoned wells or aquifers from mining uranium that is killing them or their children. No nuclear waste or garbage under our feet bleeding into the soil where our food grows or illegally being dumped in our oceans.

Can you Imagine the whole world having Tesla’s free sustainable energy that no one has to pay for? No electric grid would be needed, no oil spills, no drilling and no need for fossil fuels. Imagine no homeless people – ever. Imagine no senior citizen not able to pay their mortgage or light bill in the winter or sitting without food because their medicine is outrageously high.

Imagine a child’s education geared toward what they are drawn to naturally. Imagine our warriors at home, caring for the home front here at home instead of fighting a wasteful political war to control a region or a marketplace or a commodity. Imagine people working together to build someone a house, a community center, a healing center, local gardens, farms or hydroponic stations, building and setting up solar panels.

So what would the governments and corporations do? Here’s a thought. They are fired and reassigned a new title with specific tasks that would provide every community with the necessary mandated materials in each State. Each State would distribute and deliver the necessary sustainable materials to each community and or individual at no charge. Maybe even require them to help put all the pieces together once they get there.

I believe all things are possible. I believe the destiny of humanity can change. I believe we can heal ourselves, each other and our planet. I believe we can enrich the whole world by making it sustainable for All Life. It is only the mind of mankind needs to change.

You and I may not see this Garden of Eden restored in our lifetime, but perhaps it could be a dream for future generations to aspire toward. Think, Dream and Imagine the different Future for yourself, your children and this beautiful blue jewel in the Heavens that is designed to sustain All Life.

May your day be blessed.

 

 

Dancing the Sacred Spiral

Dancing the Sacred Spiral is what we all do whether we are aware of it or not.

 

Dancing the Sacred Spiral
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Dancing this Sacred Spiral is what we all do whether we are aware of it or not. We experience something that reminds us of an unhealed wound. That wound is reopened and we are flooded with memories, thought patterns and emotions we ‘thought’ we were done with, only now we are forced to look at the experience or experiences again.

Know Thyself, Heal Thyself were the words that were written over the Temples in Delphi, Greece centuries ago. Words that I took to heart because I knew the exorbitant costs of professional counseling were way out of reach for me; and, even if I did have counsel I knew I would still have to do the work myself anyway.

“Children learn what they Live” I know this – we all do.

Some of us are quite aware of what we have learned from childhood on up. Some do not. Our personalities and character grow on the spiral upward from childhood based on our experiences and encounters with life and other human beings.

As an abuse survivor, I have had to dig deep to uproot the hidden lessons from the first 38 years of my life. You would think I would have learned and healed all of the issues associated with the things I endured in those years, but here it is 23 years later and I find that I have not.

My healing journey is an ongoing process that takes me back to dig through some very deep-seated issues, sadness and emotions I thought I was done with. Mentally and emotionally it sucks but, don’t get me wrong, I am truly grateful when I unearth the hidden issues that need to be reviewed because I know that there is more that needs to be reconciled, forgiven and released.

Hurtful experiences from the past tend to be on a subconscious trigger that flips the switch to automatic ‘recall’. We have no choice but to ‘remember’ it when the memory or memories resurface into consciousness. When it happens then it becomes my job to review and redefine the experience and the emotions that go along with it. Only then can I refile that old memory with a more positive mindset, viewpoint, and emoticon to go with it.

This repetitive process of review has given me an updated perspective and a new way of looking at things. It has adjusted the perception of myself, other people and our world. May it be so with you.

Spirit blessings

(Note: “Children learn what they Live” is a limited self-published, self-distributed channeled booklet of poems written by the author during her healing journey in 2007.)

 

For my Readers

I am taking a leap of faith today and would like to share a chapter from my memoir. I haven’t completely settled on the name of my book, but for now, it seems fitting to follow through with the name I have applied to it in my mind. For the moment, I think “Snippets of Time” seems fitting.

bind blank business close up
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am taking a leap of faith today and would like to share a chapter from my memoir. I haven’t completely settled on the name of my book, but for now, it seems fitting to follow through with the name I have applied to it in my mind. For the moment, I think “Snippets of Time” seems fitting.

My memoir is about the effects of abuse on a child and how abuse has grown and has become magnified throughout society today. We see and experience it all around us from individuals to those business and from those at all levels of government around the world.

There is no human being on the face of this planet who has not been touched by it in some form. No one is immune from its grasp nor are they immune from its effects. It has touched us all and it is time to change it.

Some of you may find this chapter disturbing, yet it is a true account of an event that has been burned in my soul. It has affected my development and my personality in more ways that I can tell you, and this is just a small part of what I have experienced in my lifetime. If you feel so led to respond – I would be honored to hear some feedback from you.

With a heart of gratitude – Thank you.

Click the blue link if you are interested.

Chapter III – The Green Bathroom

A Tree of Life

I am a Living Tree of Life planted in this Garden of Eden, and like a great many trees that used to be in this world, I have been splintered, cut down, marred, scarred and beaten to a pulp for the unwise choices some human beings illicit on others of my kind.

The rings on my tree are cracked with scars and yet I have survived to lay down a pattern of rings to mark my passage of time in this world. I have stood alone in my silence, witnessing the world around me. Contemplating the mindless reactive abuses that others illicit on the innocent.

In the beginning, my Life’s journey was built upon stony ground, yet I managed to grow, blossom and eventually flower by driving my roots deep, and building a resilience to the onslaught of wrath imposed upon me without reason. I wasn’t alone on most occasions, but I stood up with a sense of righteous indignation and held myself with a much deeper sense of dignity that came from an eternal well.

The rings on my tree are nearing the end of its life’s span, and like many trees we have a story to share. I believe it was Wayne Dyer who once said, “Don’t let your story die inside you before you leave this world.” His words seemed to be a provident statement of what I have known must be done for some time now; and to him I am eternally grateful to have heard the call come back around loud and clear.

In sharing my story, I hope that it will touch at least one soul; and in touching that one soul I can only pray that the seed planted in their heart will assist them to seek a higher calling on behalf of humanity. I have seen the effects of physical, emotional, mental, verbal and sexual abuse of my own life path; and like a single drop falling into a pond, the ripples it generated has also touched the neighboring shores and reverberated through the land and touched the shores of many other landscapes and oceans around the world.

In my 60 years of being a silent witness, I have watched the abuse of human beings expand from one individual to another and have seen its’ vine-like propagation slip into the offices and board rooms of businesses and corporations….and sadly, in recent years I have seen its insidious face peering through the eyes of many nations. Today, it seems to have grown toward a global genocide of all that is good and beautiful, destroying all living things in this heavenly Garden of Eden we call Life.

It has to stop.