Becoming Community Minded

I have a dream…

Our world is full of people who can be abusive or have been abused that are in need of healing. There are many suffering in our own communities. I have been stagnated working from home since my last business shriveled up. My soul prompts me to leave my golden cage.

When I Ask My Self the question… How may I serve?
This is what comes to mind…

I would like, of course to finish my book, get it published and share my story; but I also have a dream brewing in my heart as I become more community minded. A dream that could blossom locally, but I cannot do it alone.


A dream that requires a network of those who are of like mind.
So here is what I am thinking. If I use the God given knowledge, skills and talent within me – this is what I see.

I see a gathering of Wise Women who would like to:

: Heal from the effects of abuse and trauma by sharing what I have learned combined with meditation gatherings to heal. I already have a degree in Therapeutic Massage and Bodywork and I have been trained in what can be expected when a client experiences a psychosomatic release on my massage table. This would help lessen the effects of stress on their physical body. This would be my gift to each person who attended the gatherings.

: I believe I would network and either link them to, and/or get personally trained and certified, in Irene Lyon’s Smart Mind, Smart Body program that incorporates Feldenkrais methods of movement for neurological reprogramming of the nervous systems fight, flight, freeze responses to maintain balance.

: I would even consider adding and incorporate Tai Chi classes if I could find an instructor willing to come out to this region.

: I would also look into networking with a Functional Medicine practitioner that would not charge an arm, leg and first born child.

: Because everyone is gifted in their own way, as a group we could educate each other with what we already have under our belt. Such as helping them to understand the effects of GMO’s (Genetically modified organisms in our food supply) and how they trigger health disorders to keep it out of our food supplies and seeds.

: I have considered creating a private gifting circle. Perhaps to fund our group or get donations from those who would like to see it happen.

: I would like to create and see a self-sustainability program that includes educating each other with what we know and create an Organic Herb & Vegetable Garden, and maybe even some fruit so we could rotate seasonal crops to ensure everyone had what they needed. It would promote health and regeneration of our body, both individually and collectively.

: At the Harvesting of Collective Herbs grown we could come together to learn how to make healing salves and ointments.

: We could also Create a Wild Crafting circle or more.

: All to help each other and those in our own community as the abundance thrives and we are able to give.

Who knows where it can go.

Would you invest in something like this in your community?

Essene Meditations And Blessings #11

This post from Seth Kelly Curtis is timely and worth the time to drink in.

Kelly's Quest

Meditation

There is a part of me

That is rooted firmly in the earth.

It is to this grounded, solid me

That I now deeply bow.

For without this,

There could be no expansion,

No life-giving nourishment

Coursing to my tender new leaves,

No strong stem to reach toward the sun.

The earth is my home

For this incarnation,

And I am blessed.

The Blessing

There is a sacredness which infuses my life

As I realize that my own growth is my work.

I am the canvas

I am the artist

I am the paint.

I ask that the artist be ever guided

By the Artist,

And that as I grow, I come to know

The perfection

Of the unfinished masterpiece

That is life.

-Danaan Parry

Quaerite Et Invenietis “Seek and you will find”

“There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed”

May God bless and protect you and…

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The Long Road Home -(edited)

It has been awhile since I have written here and I have been doing some deep healing. Writing about my life has been difficult to experience. It continues to take a toll on my body, mind and soul; yet, I am grateful to learn what it has taught me.

I see the depth of its impact more clearly. Even as a remote viewer, it still impacts my nervous system. Each memory reviewed still activates the defense mechanisms associated with the fight, flight, freeze response from perpetual stress.

This automatic response has been imprinted on my nervous system since childhood and both my body and my mind are still affected by it after all these years. It used to stay on 24/7, but I learned meditation is a tool of the mind and for me it dissolves some of the effects that allows me to function well.

Self-Mastery has been a life-long path of self awareness and healing for me. It requires a person to take a good hard look at their lives and themselves. Yet that has been my lifepath and it is the work Spirit is having me do.

Uprooting issues and cleaning old wounds has not been an easy task and I still have more work to do. Unveiling conditioned beliefs, ferreting out negative thought patterns, digging deep into my true feelings just to get to the truth of it all. Believe me when I say, ‘the epiphanies have been many,’ and not all of them have been pretty.

When I looked in the mirror what I saw was a reflection of my earthly body, but it is only the outer shell. It is not the true me.

I don’t meet people well and I am difficult to get to know. My trust in humans is minute and because of that I have maintained less than a handful people who I would call friend.

If you were to first meet me you would feel the part of me that is guarded. The part of me that no one is allowed to hurt anymore.

I tend to stand aloof to assess who and what I am facing, including you. The anima of me serves us well when it puts up a perimeter that is not easy to get through. People tend to walk around me.

It’s time to take a leap of faith and break down ‘some’ barriers, come out of my shell and just be me.

When my last business failed I gave up. I was deflated and just stopped caring. I worked my tail off just to get through school only to get the rug pulled out from under me yet again.

I went into a deep depression that lasted nearly eight years. That depression was magnified when my oldest brother and youngest sister passed away. Their deaths made me remember that I was not the only child abused in my family. Today, I see how the effects of abuse has affected each and every one of us.

I was sixteen years old when I ran away from home. I was gone for a week. When I came home to tell them why I ran away, I was beaten to hell and back from the garage bedroom, through the kitchen and living room and thrown out of the house.

I was shunned by my siblings throughout my senior year of high school, but it wasn’t their fault. My stepfather’s edict to them on my departure threatened extreme bodily harm to all of them if they so much as looked at me, much less spoke to me in school. All I could think of is what happened to me when I was five and I understood what that ‘extreme’ could mean and dealt with it. When I left the house that day, another family graciously took me in until I graduated from high school.

When I screwed up that four year RN nursing scholarship in the first semester, I went back to that other family for a short time when my oldest brother called me out of the blue and offered to have me come visit for a week or so and figure out where to go from there…and that is when the living nightmare of my life began.

A nightmare that took thirteen months of my life away when my brother, his new wife and me were arrested for a murder and arson my brother and I did not commit. The media had a field day and my family was bombarded by that bombshell.

My mother heard it on the news while driving down the road just like everyone else in the world. My brothers and sisters experienced the brunt of the media hype in school and in public. They too learned how cruel people can be.

What bothers me though, is that not a single person in my has family ever asked me what really happened back then. Not one. Not even to this day. Maybe they will read the book to find out someday.

I was eighteen years old then. I am 62 years old now and I am not the same teenager I was all those years ago. I understand how abuse has affected all of us. Do you?

It’s time to mend old wounds.

I am grateful for my life. It has taught me a great deal about people. Spirit has taught me to see things from a different perspective. Where I once asked as a child, “Where is the love, Lord? I don’t see it anywhere.” I know now that it has to rise up in both you and me. The truth will indeed set you free if you are willing to face it.

I am grateful to have a devoted, kind and loving man husband. In all the years we have been together we have never had an argument. He knows some of what I have been through. He may not understand the science of how it affects my body and mind, but his heart understands me. He sees me walking around in circles and gives me the grace to work it out and heal. I love him dearly for that and I am truly grateful to have him in my life.

My message to you is this. Heal old wounds. Do it for yourself. Then make amends if must needs be.

Forgiveness is God’s key to inner peace.

May your day be blessed.

Seeking Self-Mastery

I heard a saying that stuck in my head one day. A day that prompted a great deal of changes in my life’s journey. That saying is this:

“The first relationship we must Master is the one with oneself.”

Spirit’s Voice, 2003

We begin life as a seed pollinated by another. Our growth depends on the type of soil we have been planted into and what nourishment we did or did not receive.

The lack of nourishment can stunt the growth and development of the evolving organism, whether it is a plant, animal or human being.

Human children who have experienced a series of adverse childhood events arrests the development of the child’s personality and development in a variety of ways.

A child who feels unsafe in their home environment are constantly walking on the broken glass of their fragmented innocence that has violated their trust in their caretakers and in themselves and are in a constant state of stress. The ‘roots’ that give them a sense of stability have been deeply compromised.

As a result their physical bodies internal mechanisms evoke a neurological and chemical response feeling constantly threatened or imminent danger every day. Children who undergo this daily, over a long period of time, leads to the bodies inability to regulate itself.

Trauma is stored in both the body and the mind. The perpetual overload of stress released in the body virtually changes their developing brain – and establishes a foundation for dysfunctions in their body. This keeps them in a constant state of hypervigilance under stress and duress because the ‘threat’ to their well-being is still imminent.

The fight, flight, freeze response to stress has been deeply studied. These evoke various responses that become an internal coping mechanism on both the body and mind for all humans.

In a child who undergoes repetitive abuses it becomes hard-wired into the autonomic nervous system that keeps them trapped in a constant state of stress and builds an unwitting repetitive automatic response when triggered. When left untreated the hardwired autonomic responses continue as they grow and become adults.

Learning this has been an eye-opener. As I child I always asked the unanswerable question a child asks, “Why?” It set me on a life long journey to find the answers to that one simple question. In the process, I have seen and learned many things about myself.

The beauty is that my Spirit guides and my Soul’s internal navigation system has led me on a path of Self-Healing and toward Self-Mastery all these years. I realize now that my whole life journey has been designed to bring me a much deeper awareness of the Spirit-Mind-Body connections.

It has also shown me how abuse and the abuse of power has perpetuated itself in our world…and it needs to stop if we want Life as we know it to Survive.

You Matter!!!

We are all born into this world innocent and mindless.

We are all born into this world innocent and mindless. We are dependant on our caretakers to teach us what we need to know. What we are taught by our caretakers, our teachers and the social structure of our culture takes shape on a blank canvas that becomes our personality as we grow.

We are taught as children what is acceptable behavior and what is not. We are taught to conform to become socially acceptable in the eyes of our parents, our peers and in public. The foundational teachings we learn in early childhood seems to establish a deep-seated belief that conditions us to seek love, approval, and acceptance from other people in order to feel good enough about ourself, to feel worthy of attention and to feel of value in our world.

I can tell you that when a child is abused, locked in a closet, beaten nearly to death, shunned, ignored, disrespected, defiled, violated, blown off or unacknowledged repetitively they begin to feel as if they don’t matter.  Some of us feel invisible, unworthy, unloveable, unwanted or not good enough.

Some feel as if no one sees them, others don’t wish to be seen.  They feel as if they don’t fit, no one understands them and that no one really hears them. Some stay in the background, blend into the walls and watch in silence. Others believe that no one cares if they live or die, no wants them around and no one cares about what they think or what they are feeling anyway.

Repetitive events of abuse tend to ignite a mental thinking pattern of their parents’ voices evoking a cycle of self-judgment, self-criticism, shame and unwarranted guilt that takes them down a very dark road and drops them off into a pit of depression, apathy, anxiety, and self-destruction.

Some adapt and manage to become functional. You see them on the streets. You see them at the checkout counter in your local store, you even speak with them in your office…but you wouldn’t notice them as an abuse survivor if you didn’t know their story. Some become abusive to others and to themselves.

As they grow into adults, they begin to wonder why they do the things they do and why they think the way they do. No one has ever told them that it doesn’t have to stay that way. No one ever taught them how to heal their old wounds. So let me share this to those who still wonder and wander aimlessly for answers…

STOP! Stop the mindless repetitive parent tape rolling around in your head!

Push the eject button, pull out the damn tape and burn that sucker…

Now repeat this to yourself…every time it tries to replay in an echo anyway.

YOU MATTER!

Rise & Shine (CC0-courtesy of Pexels.com)

YOU MATTER MORE THAN YOU KNOW…

What you Think Matters.

What you Feel Matters.

Your Voice Matters.

Your Life, Your Dreams and Goals Matter!.

You would not have been born in this world

…if you were not meant to be here.

You don’t need to strive to BE someone

…because you ARE someone!

You are here for a reason.

Your existence has a purpose.

You are here to learn, to evolve and to be the best that you can be.

You just need to Dream it into existence.

Key of Life…

In our Life’s brief journey here on Earth, our thoughts, beliefs and how we express ourself creates our experiences.

Our Soul experiences it all. Whether it is the nightmare of disconnection, stagnation, and redundancy or the gathering of minds, movement, and exploration into the unknown. The joy of an epiphany comes to lead us to a new phase of growth as we traverse the challenges we all face every day.

The Soul’s voice is always expressed from the truth of the Heart when we allow the heart to guide us quietly through the storm of challenges we face and feels either the disappointment or the praise of our spoken words or the actions that we take.

In the Native traditions, when we ‘Walk the Path of the Beauty’ in this world, we come to realize that it is not the way of the world, nor is it the way of the ego. The path of beauty is the way of the True Soul that rides in our heart and expresses itself from the heart.

Each step that we take kisses the earth with our feet, each person with our heart and all living things with each breath that we take.

Each experience contains a lesson we must learn from that will allow us to grow in the light of truth so we may set our own ego free from its internal miseries.

Every day is a new day that holds the potential of what yet can be a reality. When we are mindfully present in each moment and conscious of the words we speak and the actions we take, we create a chain-reaction of feelings and emotions in another living being that will, in turn, affect other living beings repetitively throughout any given day.

If what we say or what we do creates a harmful feeling to another we have brought war upon the world. If what we say or what we do creates healing in another, then we will have set the stage for hope, joy, kindness, compassion, and laughter and sent it out into our world…because when we do it for just one person or just one living thing you are doing it for All Living things.

May your day be blessed

 

Sacred Ground – Sacred Space

body temple -2035066-Lucas Pezeta from Pexels
Photo courtesy of Pexels – CC0 by Lucas Pezeta

The human body is a Temple of Love that houses the Spirit of one’s Soul. It is created by the Sacred union of the masculine and feminine forces of our Universe.

God, the Divine Breath and Spirit of Love planted the seed of Life in His Goddess, our Mother Earth, who was created and fashioned by the hand of God – to bring forth Life. All species reproduces and perpetuates Life in a similar fashion.

The human physical body is a microcosmic mirror of the Divine forces of our Universe. We hold inside of us the power of the Divine to bring forth Life and we have the ability to create what we want to see in our world.

We all carry within our body the Elemental forces of nature inside of us.

The Air that we breathe – is Holy.

The Planet that we walk on and all that is upon it – is Holy.

The Water that provides nourishment all Living things – is Holy.

The Fire and Light of Life itself that burns inside of us – is Holy.

Life itself – is Holy and the glue that holds it all together is Love.

We live on Sacred Ground within this Sacred Space of time in our human lifespan, yet we treat our world as a commodity, a passing thought and simply take it for granted that it will be there when we wake up every morning. We do not reflect on it as being a Holy Living entity.

Abuse and the abuse of power has become a global entity. We have appointed leaders in our governments that have allowed politicians and corporations to poison our air, our water, our soil and pillage the natural resources that sustains all of Life with impunity. We don’t have the power to vote for the Bills they put into play with their bed partners and therefore our right to Life and Liberty has been slowly stripped from us.

Within us, we treat our bodies in the same manner. We buy food instead of growing our own, and what our politician and corporations feed us are genetically modified by industrialists and poisoned by pesticides that constantly harms our inner environment all in the name of money and power over the masses.

We have given away our power to politicians in bed with corporations and have allowed them free reign over our sovereign right to Life. They have bastardized and rewritten the original human rights instituted by the Magna Carta which was the precursor to the Bill of Rights in the Constitution of the United States, establishing the minimal rights afforded to all living things under the natural laws of Life itself.

Abuse has an insidious way of changing people. Trust is broken. We are taught to conform to what is socially acceptable. We are used and abused by those who lord themselves over us as our true power to love is stripped away – piece by piece. Is it any wonder why people are angry?

Reclaiming ones’ individual personal power is a pivotal point that is much needed. People are beginning to wake up and realize that what our world needs now is something drastically new. The old paradigms are dying. It is making way for the rebirth of humanity and our world. That rebirth begins with each human being doing their part to reclaim this Sacred Ground in this Sacred Space.

Change and transformation begins within each person. It starts by healing our own internal wounds so we can see and perceive things more clearly to speak and act with kindness and generosity toward all Life…including each other.

One Voice

cropped-abstract-art-brown-129743-cc0-joey-kyber3.jpg

*

I am but One Voice…

subdued in the cacophony of sound, vibrations, and voices.

No one hears me…

and yet I am not alone

In my Silence,

I hear many others crying out…

each with a subtle tone of their own.

….From the Heart – 07/2004

*

We are all descendants of Atom and ‘E’.

We are but one of many species, yet we know not our own complexities. We are a species composed of varying levels of intelligence. Intelligence levels that combine, entwine and dances between dimensions within our reality.

We are human crystals with the ability to transmit and receive and yet we are so much more that we appear to be. The purpose of our species was once clearly defined, yet we have forgotten that purpose and are no longer of one mind.

The strands of the past entwine with the present and what we do now sets the stage for our individual and collective future that will coincide with the longevity of our own species.

Discord, both internal and external, must be unraveled and untangled to see the truth of where we are now. We need to take a good, deep hard look at the overall impact that our species has made on our environment. Then we need to reflect on how we can achieve harmony within ourselves and within our world.

“Know Thyself…Heal Thyself”

These scholarly words were once inscribed in the archway that led the entrance to a temple in Delphi, Greece. Knowledge is nothing unless it is used. Knowledge that is used can become wisdom if we determine that the knowledge we learn is both the truth and true. All knowledge is not taught in the same schools.

*

Food for thought

 

In memory of My Sister

My Sister
A Warrior Soul

My sister was a beautiful soul.

My baby sister had the heart of an Amazon warrior woman who was more than willing to engage her rage to set someone straight. You could knock her down but you couldn’t keep her down. She would rise like a Fury in fairy tales and could hold her own against any man.

From what I have seen and heard, Rhonda Rousey had nothing on her and would have probably had a hard time taking my sister down. Over the years it appeared that the everlasting effects of abuse had generated an unquenchable raging fire inside of her. A fire that compelled her to stand up, speak out or pull you across the kitchen table and beat the living pulp out of you with a fervor unmatched by many.

My sister wasn’t rich by worldly standards, yet her abundance held more value than what the world banks could ever hold. My sister was ‘enriched’ beyond measure with a more lasting treasure that included all of the things that money can NEVER buy.

My sister was a woman who would give you the shirt off her back and her very last dime. Her door was open to those in need. She was a woman who had no need or use for greed. She was a woman who held a deep abiding faith, even during the toughest of times. She would tell me that there was always that inner whisper of knowing, that no matter what, everything would be fine.

My sister was a compassionate soul that was mirrored by her being a caretaker of many who was not her own. “I keep taking in strays!” she would say, “I can’t help it.” Young ones who had nothing or nowhere to go tugged at her heartstrings. There were even some who were visiting and instead found themselves a place in her heart and her home.

My sister loved her children and her grandchildren to the very depths of her soul. She gave each of them what she could with what she had. Her words were not always well-chosen, nor her actions always a choice made consciously, but she ALWAYS did the best she could at any given moment in time.

Her children and grandchildren were the true points of light in her life. Each one of them will carry some of her traits, characteristics, talents, gifts and many memories that will sustain them as they move forward forging a path of their own.

The hardships they all endured will give them a depth of strength to overcome any adversity they may have to face in the years to come. They have been nourished with a special cup of wisdom that supersedes the wisdom of this world. They will have to fend for themselves now, but they have all the tools and knowledge they need to make their own way in this world and to make the world a much better place to be in.

I know my sister will still be there when they need her the most. She will continue to fight for them on the other side. They too have the backbone, the willpower, and that fighting spirit inside of them.

I wasn’t able to spend much time with my sister through the years, but I came to know and understand her more deeply than others really knew. All my brothers and sisters were affected by the abuse we all received and my baby sister carried additional battle scars of her own. The unresolved, deep-seated wounds that remained unhealed in her heart and mind turned cancerous over time.

My sister passed away from brain cancer on May 30th, 2019. Her body was riddled with cancer after her second brain surgery. After this last surgery, we were informed that her cancer had spread to her lungs, chest and was deeply embedded in her left hip joint.

My family was told that recent tests revealed that the cancer in her hip socket had turned to gangrene, and that the doctors wanted to take her leg, shortly after the brain surgery was done. My sister refused. She was tired, she had had enough and was ready to go home.

My sister’s celebration of life services was held on her birthday June 5th and she was laid to rest the next day. She is home now with her daughter Jennifer, our mother, and my oldest brother. She is no longer suffering and in pain…and for that I am grateful. She will always hold a very special place in my heart, my mind and my soul. I will miss her presence. Her death touched me deeply. Perhaps I will share that in my book.

Through all of this I have seen and learned that the pattern of abuse is handed down from one generation to the next. My family alone has given birth to what is now the 3rd generation of children that may still be affected by the abuse their parents recieved in their childhood because their parents have yet to heal their own wounds. I have even seen snippets of it in my own children as they begin to raise their own. I see much more in some of my nieces, nephews and their own children.

I have learned that the effects of abuse are not only far-reaching, but I have also seen how it destroys lives and how it is now destroying the Gift of Life itself. I can also see how it has easily expanded to become a global entity in our world.

When I look outward and reflect on what I have learned, I realize that there is not a soul on this planet that has not experienced abuse in some form. It weighs on my heart to see such beauty scarred in this Garden of Eden. We never truly left it you know. Earth is our heavenly home and even she has not been left unscathed by the abuses wrought upon our environment from human thinking, human greed and dismissive human deeds.

Those of us who have survived the trauma of abuse have unwittingly perpetuated some of the unhealed patterns of abuse in our children – and it needs to stop.

Stopping abuse begins inside each individual. It begins with me and you. Our words and our actions can harm or they can heal. I am much more mindful of what I think, how I think and why I think and feel the way I do.

I hope you will take time to think before you speak or react in anger, frustration or rage to those you encounter every day.

Be the change by becoming the game-changer for our world.  Blessed Be.

 

 

 

The Sands of Time

Sands of Time
Photo by Pixabay – CC0 woman-walking-in-beach-509127

 

The Sands of time hold the remains of the challenges we have faced, both collectively and individually, throughout human history.

This morning my mind sifted through the sands of my lifepath. The strands that composed my thinking this morning reminded me of something I learned long ago.  The sand we feel beneath our feet on the beach were once boulders.

Stones have been often used as placeholders that were firmly encased in the soil, held high on the side of a mountain or may have been graced to hold the sacred space of sacred ground of an ancient civilization in our world.

In many native traditions, the Stone People held both knowledge and information about the area in which it lay and its journey of how it got there. Those who were gifted were able to access the historical imprints and learn from them. Today, the modern term used to describe the gift of Psychometry.

I know it has been months since my last post. Much as happened in my corner of the world since I have written here. My computer crashed on the dawn of the New Year after attempting a fresh start. That fresh start wiped out the operating system from the computer manufacturer who just happened to close support for the unit in October.

I wondered what the Universe was telling me. Then the correlation hit me. I believe they were telling me that my internal operating system was in need of repair and I realized that I could no longer continue to operate from old patterned programs of thinking. It was time to delete old program files, get rid of empty folders and repair any broken short cuts in my mindset.

I dove into research, sought classes to glean knowledge, soaked up some remarkable webinars and learned a great deal. Then I took the time to dig more deeply into the shadows of yet more unresolved wounds. I was driven to uproot more empirical truths from the challenges I had faced in my youth and I am grateful that I did. The journey was a treasure trove that flooded me with a plethora of epiphanies that I will share in my book.

The most recent upheaval took place on May 30th, 2019 when my baby sister passed away. I will share some things about that experience in a separate post here soon.

May your day be blessed.