You Matter!!!

We are all born into this world innocent and mindless.

We are all born into this world innocent and mindless. We are dependant on our caretakers to teach us what we need to know. What we are taught by our caretakers, our teachers and the social structure of our culture takes shape on a blank canvas that becomes our personality as we grow.

We are taught as children what is acceptable behavior and what is not. We are taught to conform to become socially acceptable in the eyes of our parents, our peers and in public. The foundational teachings we learn in early childhood seems to establish a deep-seated belief that conditions us to seek love, approval, and acceptance from other people in order to feel good enough about ourself, to feel worthy of attention and to feel of value in our world.

I can tell you that when a child is abused, locked in a closet, beaten nearly to death, shunned, ignored, disrespected, defiled, violated, blown off or unacknowledged repetitively they begin to feel as if they don’t matter.  Some of us feel invisible, unworthy, unloveable, unwanted or not good enough.

Some feel as if no one sees them, others don’t wish to be seen.  They feel as if they don’t fit, no one understands them and that no one really hears them. Some stay in the background, blend into the walls and watch in silence. Others believe that no one cares if they live or die, no wants them around and no one cares about what they think or what they are feeling anyway.

Repetitive events of abuse tend to ignite a mental thinking pattern of their parents’ voices evoking a cycle of self-judgment, self-criticism, shame and unwarranted guilt that takes them down a very dark road and drops them off into a pit of depression, apathy, anxiety, and self-destruction.

Some adapt and manage to become functional. You see them on the streets. You see them at the checkout counter in your local store, you even speak with them in your office…but you wouldn’t notice them as an abuse survivor if you didn’t know their story. Some become abusive to others and to themselves.

As they grow into adults, they begin to wonder why they do the things they do and why they think the way they do. No one has ever told them that it doesn’t have to stay that way. No one ever taught them how to heal their old wounds. So let me share this to those who still wonder and wander aimlessly for answers…

STOP! Stop the mindless repetitive parent tape rolling around in your head!

Push the eject button, pull out the damn tape and burn that sucker…

Now repeat this to yourself…every time it tries to replay in an echo anyway.

YOU MATTER!

Rise & Shine (CC0-courtesy of Pexels.com)

YOU MATTER MORE THAN YOU KNOW…

What you Think Matters.

What you Feel Matters.

Your Voice Matters.

Your Life, Your Dreams and Goals Matter!.

You would not have been born in this world

…if you were not meant to be here.

You don’t need to strive to BE someone

…because you ARE someone!

You are here for a reason.

Your existence has a purpose.

You are here to learn, to evolve and to be the best that you can be.

You just need to Dream it into existence.

Key of Life…

In our Life’s brief journey here on Earth, our thoughts, beliefs and how we express ourself creates our experiences.

Our Soul experiences it all. Whether it is the nightmare of disconnection, stagnation, and redundancy or the gathering of minds, movement, and exploration into the unknown. The joy of an epiphany comes to lead us to a new phase of growth as we traverse the challenges we all face every day.

The Soul’s voice is always expressed from the truth of the Heart when we allow the heart to guide us quietly through the storm of challenges we face and feels either the disappointment or the praise of our spoken words or the actions that we take.

In the Native traditions, when we ‘Walk the Path of the Beauty’ in this world, we come to realize that it is not the way of the world, nor is it the way of the ego. The path of beauty is the way of the True Soul that rides in our heart and expresses itself from the heart.

Each step that we take kisses the earth with our feet, each person with our heart and all living things with each breath that we take.

Each experience contains a lesson we must learn from that will allow us to grow in the light of truth so we may set our own ego free from its internal miseries.

Every day is a new day that holds the potential of what yet can be a reality. When we are mindfully present in each moment and conscious of the words we speak and the actions we take, we create a chain-reaction of feelings and emotions in another living being that will, in turn, affect other living beings repetitively throughout any given day.

If what we say or what we do creates a harmful feeling to another we have brought war upon the world. If what we say or what we do creates healing in another, then we will have set the stage for hope, joy, kindness, compassion, and laughter and sent it out into our world…because when we do it for just one person or just one living thing you are doing it for All Living things.

May your day be blessed

 

Sacred Ground – Sacred Space

body temple -2035066-Lucas Pezeta from Pexels
Photo courtesy of Pexels – CC0 by Lucas Pezeta

The human body is a Temple of Love that houses the Spirit of one’s Soul. It is created by the Sacred union of the masculine and feminine forces of our Universe.

God, the Divine Breath and Spirit of Love planted the seed of Life in His Goddess, our Mother Earth, who was created and fashioned by the hand of God – to bring forth Life. All species reproduces and perpetuates Life in a similar fashion.

The human physical body is a microcosmic mirror of the Divine forces of our Universe. We hold inside of us the power of the Divine to bring forth Life and we have the ability to create what we want to see in our world.

We all carry within our body the Elemental forces of nature inside of us.

The Air that we breathe – is Holy.

The Planet that we walk on and all that is upon it – is Holy.

The Water that provides nourishment all Living things – is Holy.

The Fire and Light of Life itself that burns inside of us – is Holy.

Life itself – is Holy and the glue that holds it all together is Love.

We live on Sacred Ground within this Sacred Space of time in our human lifespan, yet we treat our world as a commodity, a passing thought and simply take it for granted that it will be there when we wake up every morning. We do not reflect on it as being a Holy Living entity.

Abuse and the abuse of power has become a global entity. We have appointed leaders in our governments that have allowed politicians and corporations to poison our air, our water, our soil and pillage the natural resources that sustains all of Life with impunity. We don’t have the power to vote for the Bills they put into play with their bed partners and therefore our right to Life and Liberty has been slowly stripped from us.

Within us, we treat our bodies in the same manner. We buy food instead of growing our own, and what our politician and corporations feed us are genetically modified by industrialists and poisoned by pesticides that constantly harms our inner environment all in the name of money and power over the masses.

We have given away our power to politicians in bed with corporations and have allowed them free reign over our sovereign right to Life. They have bastardized and rewritten the original human rights instituted by the Magna Carta which was the precursor to the Bill of Rights in the Constitution of the United States, establishing the minimal rights afforded to all living things under the natural laws of Life itself.

Abuse has an insidious way of changing people. Trust is broken. We are taught to conform to what is socially acceptable. We are used and abused by those who lord themselves over us as our true power to love is stripped away – piece by piece. Is it any wonder why people are angry?

Reclaiming ones’ individual personal power is a pivotal point that is much needed. People are beginning to wake up and realize that what our world needs now is something drastically new. The old paradigms are dying. It is making way for the rebirth of humanity and our world. That rebirth begins with each human being doing their part to reclaim this Sacred Ground in this Sacred Space.

Change and transformation begins within each person. It starts by healing our own internal wounds so we can see and perceive things more clearly to speak and act with kindness and generosity toward all Life…including each other.

The Sands of Time

Sands of Time
Photo by Pixabay – CC0 woman-walking-in-beach-509127

 

The Sands of time hold the remains of the challenges we have faced, both collectively and individually, throughout human history.

This morning my mind sifted through the sands of my lifepath. The strands that composed my thinking this morning reminded me of something I learned long ago.  The sand we feel beneath our feet on the beach were once boulders.

Stones have been often used as placeholders that were firmly encased in the soil, held high on the side of a mountain or may have been graced to hold the sacred space of sacred ground of an ancient civilization in our world.

In many native traditions, the Stone People held both knowledge and information about the area in which it lay and its journey of how it got there. Those who were gifted were able to access the historical imprints and learn from them. Today, the modern term used to describe the gift of Psychometry.

I know it has been months since my last post. Much as happened in my corner of the world since I have written here. My computer crashed on the dawn of the New Year after attempting a fresh start. That fresh start wiped out the operating system from the computer manufacturer who just happened to close support for the unit in October.

I wondered what the Universe was telling me. Then the correlation hit me. I believe they were telling me that my internal operating system was in need of repair and I realized that I could no longer continue to operate from old patterned programs of thinking. It was time to delete old program files, get rid of empty folders and repair any broken short cuts in my mindset.

I dove into research, sought classes to glean knowledge, soaked up some remarkable webinars and learned a great deal. Then I took the time to dig more deeply into the shadows of yet more unresolved wounds. I was driven to uproot more empirical truths from the challenges I had faced in my youth and I am grateful that I did. The journey was a treasure trove that flooded me with a plethora of epiphanies that I will share in my book.

The most recent upheaval took place on May 30th, 2019 when my baby sister passed away. I will share some things about that experience in a separate post here soon.

May your day be blessed.

 

My Gift to you…

Merry Christmas

Much time has elapsed since my last post. I have been recovering from a surgery that took place at the end of November. My apologies to my readers and those who follow my blog. I am healing on many levels.

The holiday season was enriched with the recent solstice. It is the time of the long dark here in North America and in truth, it is a season to appreciate and to celebrate all that we have been given. The solstice ceremony celebrates a time of deep reflection through the winter months. We become like a bear going into hibernation to rest, reflect, dream and renew ourselves for the spring.

During my time of reflection, I have learned many things by writing about my life’s journey. I have had to dig deep into some frozen ground to reach the warm soil that held the nourishment my soul has sought outside of myself for so many years. Nourishment that laid dormant inside me like a seed that sleeps in the winter and I am grateful to have uprooted some deep truth’s that have evaded me for many years.

Life is Sacred – All of Life. Our purpose here on Earth is to learn our capacity to Love. The relationships we have with each other, with our families, our coworkers or for any soul or living thing that exists in this world is a mirror. A mirror that reflects the dual nature inside of us all.  A nature that has the capacity to be either negative or positive. When we reflect the negative it reveals attributes, characteristics or qualities inside of us that need to be healed.

So think of the words that you speak to another and those that you think inside your head about yourself. That which you judge and criticize leaves a wound that can hurt or harm another. A wound that they may carry around inside their soul.

Our world harbors many wounds and many wounded warriors, yet inside those wounds are hidden treasures. Treasures that have been hidden, buried and sometimes forgotten. Be kind, be generous, give someone a hand up and shine the light of Love to all who cross your path.

Merry Christmas…from my heart to yours.

 

Hold the Light & Imagine

Remember the Present

Photo courtesy of Pexels.com

We are human beings, both you and me – and yet we are so much more than we appear to be. We are composed of millions of particles of Light inside of us at the very core of our being.  We are co-creators with the Divine unseen forces, both within us and within the fabric of this Garden of Life. Our existence…matters.

When we hold the Light of our heart – every moment we breathe holds the potential of what yet can be, but when the light is subdued by the shadows of our wounds we find ourselves bathed in fear or awash in grief. We tend to forget what we can achieve and become blind to what others may need. When we hide the Light inside us, our world seems to suffer an immeasurable number of things.

It’s a simple fact that humans are destroying our world. We have turned a blind eye and ignored the plethora of evidence all around us.  There are thousands of other living beings and lifeforms that have been annihilated and more still suffering from the human storm. Old paradigms we were taught to believe has brought us to this present moment in time.

When I look back at the years of my Life and I see beyond the mundane news and take in the overall effect of humans on this planet. My heart hurts. I see patterns that have shaped the current conditions in our country and around the world. I see the shadow of abuses from the past, how it has grown into a global entity in the abuse of power and the rise of what the King James version of the Bible calls – the god of Mammon or money

When we hold the Light of our soul – we Inspire others. When we hold the Light of our heart forward to see – it dispels the darkness so others can see that the Light inside of them is also needed. When we share the Light – we Help Life heal.

Imagine the land, water, and air would be pristine because no one is raping or pillaging the resources of our planet for profit. Educating children to become the new stewards of Life and caretakers of our heavenly home.

Imagine the blessings and bounty of the Mother Earth recovered from the centuries of abuse from the greed of mankind. Imagine our ability to recapture Her full bounty, Her grace and Her blessings for all.

Imagine future stewards of faith and vision working together with each other to feed ourselves and one another, to cultivate, harvest and prepare the free natural God given medicines, health, and care for ourselves, our families and each other instead of the need for greed.

Imagine that. No one would go hungry, no one would have to worry about medical bills, or paying for education. No one would need to be concerned about a corporate toxic waste dump in their backyard or poisoned wells or aquifers from mining uranium that is killing them or their children. No nuclear waste or garbage under our feet bleeding into the soil where our food grows or illegally being dumped in our oceans.

Can you Imagine the whole world having Tesla’s free sustainable energy that no one has to pay for? No electric grid would be needed, no oil spills, no drilling and no need for fossil fuels. Imagine no homeless people – ever. Imagine no senior citizen not able to pay their mortgage or light bill in the winter or sitting without food because their medicine is outrageously high.

Imagine a child’s education geared toward what they are drawn to naturally. Imagine our warriors at home, caring for the home front here at home instead of fighting a wasteful political war to control a region or a marketplace or a commodity. Imagine people working together to build someone a house, a community center, a healing center, local gardens, farms or hydroponic stations, building and setting up solar panels.

So what would the governments and corporations do? Here’s a thought. They are fired and reassigned a new title with specific tasks that would provide every community with the necessary mandated materials in each State. Each State would distribute and deliver the necessary sustainable materials to each community and or individual at no charge. Maybe even require them to help put all the pieces together once they get there.

I believe all things are possible. I believe the destiny of humanity can change. I believe we can heal ourselves, each other and our planet. I believe we can enrich the whole world by making it sustainable for All Life. It is only the mind of mankind needs to change.

You and I may not see this Garden of Eden restored in our lifetime, but perhaps it could be a dream for future generations to aspire toward. Think, Dream and Imagine the different Future for yourself, your children and this beautiful blue jewel in the Heavens that is designed to sustain All Life.

May your day be blessed.

 

 

Dancing the Sacred Spiral

Dancing the Sacred Spiral is what we all do whether we are aware of it or not.

 

Dancing the Sacred Spiral
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Dancing this Sacred Spiral is what we all do whether we are aware of it or not. We experience something that reminds us of an unhealed wound. That wound is reopened and we are flooded with memories, thought patterns and emotions we ‘thought’ we were done with, only now we are forced to look at the experience or experiences again.

Know Thyself, Heal Thyself were the words that were written over the Temples in Delphi, Greece centuries ago. Words that I took to heart because I knew the exorbitant costs of professional counseling were way out of reach for me; and, even if I did have counsel I knew I would still have to do the work myself anyway.

“Children learn what they Live” I know this – we all do.

Some of us are quite aware of what we have learned from childhood on up. Some do not. Our personalities and character grow on the spiral upward from childhood based on our experiences and encounters with life and other human beings.

As an abuse survivor, I have had to dig deep to uproot the hidden lessons from the first 38 years of my life. You would think I would have learned and healed all of the issues associated with the things I endured in those years, but here it is 23 years later and I find that I have not.

My healing journey is an ongoing process that takes me back to dig through some very deep-seated issues, sadness and emotions I thought I was done with. Mentally and emotionally it sucks but, don’t get me wrong, I am truly grateful when I unearth the hidden issues that need to be reviewed because I know that there is more that needs to be reconciled, forgiven and released.

Hurtful experiences from the past tend to be on a subconscious trigger that flips the switch to automatic ‘recall’. We have no choice but to ‘remember’ it when the memory or memories resurface into consciousness. When it happens then it becomes my job to review and redefine the experience and the emotions that go along with it. Only then can I refile that old memory with a more positive mindset, viewpoint, and emoticon to go with it.

This repetitive process of review has given me an updated perspective and a new way of looking at things. It has adjusted the perception of myself, other people and our world. May it be so with you.

Spirit blessings

(Note: “Children learn what they Live” is a limited self-published, self-distributed channeled booklet of poems written by the author during her healing journey in 2007.)

 

For my Readers

I am taking a leap of faith today and would like to share a chapter from my memoir. I haven’t completely settled on the name of my book, but for now, it seems fitting to follow through with the name I have applied to it in my mind. For the moment, I think “Snippets of Time” seems fitting.

bind blank business close up
Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

I am taking a leap of faith today and would like to share a chapter from my memoir. I haven’t completely settled on the name of my book, but for now, it seems fitting to follow through with the name I have applied to it in my mind. For the moment, I think “Snippets of Time” seems fitting.

My memoir is about the effects of abuse on a child and how abuse has grown and has become magnified throughout society today. We see and experience it all around us from individuals to those business and from those at all levels of government around the world.

There is no human being on the face of this planet who has not been touched by it in some form. No one is immune from its grasp nor are they immune from its effects. It has touched us all and it is time to change it.

Some of you may find this chapter disturbing, yet it is a true account of an event that has been burned in my soul. It has affected my development and my personality in more ways that I can tell you, and this is just a small part of what I have experienced in my lifetime. If you feel so led to respond – I would be honored to hear some feedback from you.

With a heart of gratitude – Thank you.

Click the blue link if you are interested.

Chapter III – The Green Bathroom

The Dormant Seed

person holding a green plant
Photo by Akil Mazumder on Pexels.com

My mind has been wandering and wondering. I am looking back to what was and to what could be. My fingers are typing what my mind is thinking at this moment. Call it madness, call it melancholy, call it what you will.

There was an issue that came up while preparing for the middle portion of my memoir. I felt truly blessed when a writing colleague and friend was gracious enough to assist me with a little research.  The article that was found hit me like a baseball bat. The impact stunned me and I wasn’t prepared for the emotional tsunami that took the breath right out of me when I wasn’t looking.

I felt like I had been clotheslined by a five hundred pound linebacker that took me out of the game for a while.  I withdrew like a turtle and went on lockdown. I stopped writing. I avoided it like the plague. I needed time to unwind a forest of tangled vines in my mind.

Then it dawned on me that I never dealt with it – quite frankly it blew me away. When I looked back at how things unfolded after this drawn-out event was over I saw where I simply brushed it aside, stuffed it down, pushed past it and moved on to try and put my life back together with some semblance of order and purpose.

The mental, emotional and the physical repercussions from that series of events has come full circle. I have been dealing with some very old wounds. Wounds that I never truly looked at or ever dealt with.

The impact of that series of events affected the flow of my Life both inwardly and outwardly.  That unrequitable nightmare became embedded in my physical body,(As a massage therapist I know muscles hold memories)and was imprinted in the energy matrix or light of my soul.

The seeds sown during those 13 months had laid dormant inside me quietly taking root in the dark and have now come into season to be reviewed. Unresolved issues have a way of popping up when we least expect them to and when they unwittingly crop up it has a way of throwing us off course. My internal navigation system went haywire and I spiraled down into the depths of despair.

Negative thoughts can truly pollute the physical body on so many levels. When the issues associated with this long-term event rose up it exploded into my conscious and the ride thereafter turned me inside out unexpectedly. The emotions that were stuffed into the suitcase of dormancy were also retrieved from the lost and found area of the baggage claim department. It was extreme. My physical body reacted.

Recurring thought patterns came up for review. I had a choice to renew and refile the thought as it was, or review more it more deeply. When I dug deeper it was difficult to unmask hidden truths. Once ‘I got it’ then I had the option to refine, redefined and refile those thoughts in a totally different archive.

The difficulty I experience is when my conscious mind becomes flooded by the emotional tsunami that overwhelms whatever sense or sensibilities I have. My ability to reason begins to wane, and at times simply disappears. The term ‘brain fog’ doesn’t even come close to describe it.

My ability to think literally escapes me and unfortunately, a part of me goes with it! I walk around mindlessly as if a part of me has left to find answers and bring back some clarity. Its been a struggle to make sense of it all. The mental hula hoops I have to jump through becomes a regular 5-ring circus.

The emotional impact has been daunting – but fruitful. The physical repercussions will be coming to light in a couple of weeks. Listing the lessons learned and finding the words to portray the events is now the challenge.

Do not let unresolved issues continue to take you down that dark corridor. Pull them out, face them, learn from them and heal them in your mind. When you do that, you heal yourself.

May your day be blessed.

Unwinding the Vine

Old news and experiences have a way of weighing us down, locked in a search to unravel hidden beliefs. My mind has been heavy in healing work

Hummingbird Vine

Picture taken from my Hummingbird Vine

A cool breeze lifted the branches of the trees as I watched the hummingbirds dance around the feeder outside my door this morning. It seemed they were synchronized under the spell of life’s music. The branches of the poplar waved its greeting and beckoned me to come join in the dance. Working from home can sometimes make you feel caged with the hours necessary to make a living. It had been awhile since I have spent time in nature and decided to get out for awhile.

Old news and experiences have a way of weighing us down, locked in a search to unravel hidden beliefs. My mind has been heavy in healing work and I felt the need to get my bare feet in the grass to reconnect with Mother Earth’s life giving essences. I am grateful to have chosen that.

When I stepped outside my door it was quite clear that I hadn’t been outside in awhile. My hummingbird vine exploded in beautiful growth this season weaving its delicate tendrils around the front landing and reaching skyward to embrace the fake shutters surrounding our front window.

My husband is such a loving soul and has expressed his concern of this happening. When I went to tend to them I realized how entangled a mass they had become and decided it would be wise to disengage its progress. As I began to unweave the braided strands I thought of the meaning associated with these tiny gifts of creation.

Hummingbirds have a way of bringing joyful delight in just watching them. They seem to conjure up images of purity and for me and the dance we dance with those around us. Everything in world is in a constant state of movement, even things that seem to be stationary – we just can’t see the molecules with our human vision. We have to look deeper.

As a seeker of Truth, on my own personal journey to heal from abuse, I realized as I unwound the cord of vines of this delicate plant, I understood the mirror it reflected back to me of what was going on inside my heart and mind. Each small featherlike strand represented “thoughts” that kept me bound to old patterns of thinking. As the years passed new thoughts were braided into the rope like weave I was holding.

As a child, I realized that the joy I once knew was lost to me at the age of five. It was choked off and buried deep down inside from that first beating. The joy of exploring my world was also suppressed that same day I was punished for coming home late from school. It seems I was dissociated from my eternal essence of love when I was made to feel like I didn’t matter.

So as I stood there acknowledging what my heart whispered to me in that moment, I chose to turn my efforts into a moving meditation. Unwinding each bundle of tiny fragile vines and leaves takes both time and patience, and with each strand I unwound my spirit lifted. Joy came into my heart in just doing the task as the wind danced around me whispering its song. It took an hour for the first bundle, and an hour and a half for the second to be rewoven along the iron fence housing the enclave of a sanctuary for my tiny friends.

I have been seeking the succulent nectar of joy and could never engage in its fullness. Now I understood why. As I continue to unravel the mystery that is still hidden in me I am rediscovering my true essence. I am a healer and a teacher in my own way and I love to create beauty in various artforms. I let that all go when I moved to this State, to appease and please the opinions of others instead of listening to my own heart.

Today I am reclaiming my joy. Today I am reclaiming my right to use the gifts I have been given, and my right to choose to use those gifts to make life better for others and humanity as a whole. Today I am reclaiming my sovereign right to just Be me.