Welcome to my small piece of heaven. A piece of my soul will be given here as I embark on this journey of becoming a writer and an aspiring author. Today, I have exchanged the pen and pad to type into the “ethers.” I am stepping beyond my tiny little home office to take this small leap of faith.
Writing was an escape and a way to silently express my heart. For the past four months I have been blessed to walk along side an inspirational group of individuals through the Authors Learning Center. Together we are traversing the planes of the unknown to learn, not only how to hone the craft of writing, but also diving head first into the full gamut of what it takes to become an author.
I have learned a great deal so far and I am truly grateful to all the people at the Authors Learning Center for their unwavering support, education and wisdom, and to all those in my authors circle for just being who they are. For me, it has been an eye opening experience.
I realistic enough to know that I am in that last quarter mile stretch of my lifespan. I only hope to complete my healing journey before I get there. Even then, I know that my life’s path will continue riding the wind over the waters, through the woods, across the grassy plains, and through the Blue Ridge mountains, only to emerge on a unknown terrain to explore even more, at the end of the line.
I am a woman who has managed to survive the overwhelming effects of child abuse. Today, at the beautiful age of 60, I can see clearly how the effects of abuse has multiplied and been magnified in the media, to become a global disorder within the body of humanity. It has been an issue that has weighed heavily on my heart for over half a century.
As a child of abuse, I withdrew and retreated into “my own little world,” but it was in that world that I learned how to see, hear and perceive things differently. It was a world that inspired me to explore, to learn, to dive into the mystical unknown. It became easy for me to withdraw and detach from the world around me.
The art of writing stories and poetry, while sketching and drawing pulled me deeply into that world of solitude and silence. A world that understood me, made me feel safe enough to express my tears, and where I immersed myself into sketching, drawing, and other forms of art and crafts. I know now that it was a coping mechanism. It was the mechanism that sustained my fractured soul and kept me from fragmenting and falling to pieces.
When I was growing up, the topic of abuse was met with wide-eyed palpable stares, judgments, assumptions and presumptions, that would lead to humiliation and embarrassment toward the person who dared to bring it up. To mention an abuse or even whisper it in public, was looked down on and frowned upon.
Issues of this nature only took place behind the closed doors of the home. Societal protocols viewed it as the unspeakable thing. No one wanted to hear it, no one wanted to know about it, and no one was allowed to speak of it – even if the evidence was standing right in front of them, they would turn and walk away. It was either ignored completely, hushed up in a rush or quickly brushed off by those who didn’t want to hear or know of it. What saddens me the most is that it still goes on today.
As a young wife and mother, I realized that after seventeen years of marriage, I was still enslaved by that primal fear instilled within me at the age of five. I never knew that I had a Voice, because I was never allowed to have one. It took seventeen years to realize that I married a verbal, mental and emotionally abusive man. I was 38 years old before the light bulb came on and I realized that abuse “wasn’t normal.”
I know now, from just writing the first few chapters, how much more work needs to be done, and how deeply the physical, mental, emotional and sexual abuse has affected me. There are still unresolved issues that I am uprooting. Roots with fine hair-like entanglements, still buried within the mind of a wounded child, that still rides inside me.
My goal is to express the heart of my soul. I am a seeker of knowledge and I am a metaphysically minded believer of a much higher power than humanity could ever muster – A seeker and sage that is unmasking the authentic core of my being. It is my prayer that you will join me.
May your day be blessed.